The Winds of Change are blowing

Dear friends old and new：

These change winds have me feeling like I am standing out in the open during a Nor'Easter in the middle of winter. 

From the moment I decided to come to China to teach English，I felt two distinct and contradictory emotions：happy and sad. During the 8 months of preperation that continued. I watched what appearerd to be the hand of God provide financially for this trip through cash donations and seemingly miraculous car sales. I had the backing and support of my family and most of my friends. I felt like God was in this but I also knew that it was what I wanted to do. 

7 weeks ago I landed in China and began working for Webi International English as a teacher. Life was hard. Probably the worst case of culture shock Ive ever had. There is an oppressive atmosphere here that makes life very difficult. I thought about giving up many times. But then slowly prayers were being answered and I was feeling hope about life in Suzhou. 

Just a little over a week ago I found a friend to spend time with from America. Then on Tuesday of this past week I attended a Bible Study and left feeling very hopeful for this new season in China. I had for the first time felt like life in China was going to be healthy and life giving. 

Then on Wednesday I went to work and in between classes one of my coworkers whispered to me that the company is in financial trouble and that I should start looking for a new job. On Thursday，I realizes that I would not be paid for the last 7 weeks of work and resignes from the company and began looking for a new job. On Friday，I was called into the Chinese visa office and told that my visa and work permit has been cancelled. They then told me that I have 15 days to leave China. 

So here I sit on Sunday morning，still in shock and running on the cycle of grief like a hamster on wheel. I sit here feeling two distinct and conyradictory emotions：relief and devastation. 

I currently have job interviews scheduled for this afternoon and Monday afternoon. There is a super small chance that one of these companies will like me enough that they will offer to pay for me to fly to Hong Kong so that I can come back to China on  tourist visa and then once here，sign a new contract and reaaply for new work permits and visas，plus give me money to live on while this is all happening until I can get paid. My guess is that they may want to loan me money for all of this and have me pay them back. I cant in good conscience do that. I came to China to get out of debt and not enter into more debt. So unless one of these schools is feeling super generous，It looks like I will be heades back to the Philadelphia area on Oct 26.

I am heartbroken and humiliated and grieved. I am excited and relieved. I feel lost and hopeless and unsure about what to do next. I feel like the enemy has ripped me a new one. This lion that comes to steal，kill and destroy has seemingly won this battle. I am grateful that the Lion of Judah is on my side (or i am on his) and as scripture says，"vengence is the Lords.�I have no ill feelings towards the Chinese in general. There were few rotten apples that took advantage of me and many others. But in general，the Chinese are a beautiful，hardworking，kind and generous group of people. 

I would appreciate prayers as I go forward. Both during the interviews and negotiations an in the likely inevitable return to the States and the job search there. Please pray that my final days here will be finished well and honorably，fulfilling Gods purpose for this short time here. I am having trouble seeing what was accomplished and what the future holds.

Also please pray for the hundreds of other teachers foreign and Chinese who are now out of a job as well and havent been paid. 

I have been listening to a song called �Even When" by Forerunner Music and Brandon Oaks. It is my prayer and declaration in this storm. Thanks for praying and listening. 

Jill

Image





Get Outlook for Android

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Irony and fortunate

I left a job that was deeply fulfilling in many ways but ultimately had no growth opportunities for me，as far as I could tell. Had I simply gone from 28-40 hours，I would be making the same amount of money that I am making in China. The rest is nearly a wash, but because the cost of living is less here，I come out ahead by a few months on how fast I can get out of debt if I stick to the plan.  And yet，I am in the process of becoming. I am like my  previous place of employment going through a renovation process. It is rife with difficulties. But the hope that lies on the other side is what we yearn for.  Life in China at this stage is simply about the basics：eating enough or the right foods to fuel my body，sleeping enough or at the appropriate hours，and showing up and doing a good job at work，being diligent to watch spending，spending time with the Lord，finding some friends. With Each piece  of this becoming more like a natural rhythm，life her get...
Read more

Living the Dream

As anthropologists, our dream is to dive head first into another culture so that we can experience the other.   It is this dream that pushes us through school and informs our choices along the way. We save sacrifice certain pleasures in one life so that we can have money for traveling to live another life. We research packing lightly and traveling efficiently. We know how to sleep on planes and trains, so that we can make the most of the daylight offered to us in our desired locations. We know basic phrases in many languages, and have an ear to pick up the new ones to add to our tool belt. For many of us, much of life is spent in a constant state of wanderlust, always dreaming of the next opportunity to experience something new. We crave paradigm shifts like most people crave potato chips. We love the revelatory journey of interacting with people who have experienced life differently. Whether we are studying linguistics, gender roles, religious practices, or ...
Read more

Feelings, misty water colored feelings

Image
I have lived most of my life understanding that there are circumstances in life that create feelings that are often contrary to the word of God. For instance, I'm sure you like me have felt hopeless at one point or another. Well, Romans 15:13 says that we serve, "the God of all hope."  So reality is that there is no circumstance on earth that is truly hopeless. We just have to ask the God of all hope to fill us with hope for our current circumstance. The same is true with other emotions: fear, loneliness, etc. "God has not given us a spirit of fear." "God places the lonely in families." (You can look up the references easier than I can, you gave google.) Perhaps that is why I don't know what to write. I am in a constant state of having feelings that I know are not true, according to the Kingdom of God. So every moment I am warring in my spirit to choose to believe the truth. I am living a sort of Maslov's pyramid of necessities. We cannot...
Read more